AN OBAMA CAROL

Twas the night before the December federal holiday, and in every town,
All the children were crying, the North Pole had shut down.
Santa’s workshop was closed, the elves labored no more,
They refused a union card check, in violation of the new labor law.

The reindeer in their stables no longer were kept,
PETA released them into the wild, while poor St Nick slept.
Christmas trees had been outlawed, no Yule for the masses,
For cutting all those trees, raised greenhouse gasses.

Moms and Dads were confounded, no toys in the stores,
They were all stuck in Asia, far from our shores.
All drilling had been halted, fossil fuels no longer used,
Cargo ships were all empty, we weren’t amused.

And in the White House, a meeting was called,
All the President’s men (and women) et all.
The polls show the voters against us, the President decried,
So many things have gone wrong, and they know that I lied.

Now Geitner, now Reid, now Pelosi and Michelle!
On Gibbs, on Sebilius, on Holder and Rahm … why do you smell?
Mr President, I’ve been working so hard to keep you in power,
Spinning all your mistakes … leaves me no time for a shower.

It was quickly decided, there was no other way,
The President would have to save Christmas Day.
And like the Grinch, who started as a zero,
Obama must change from villain to hero.

To deliver his presents he needed a super fast sleigh,
So he called on NASA to figure out a way.
The last NASA scientist, said you’re asking too much,
You’ve gutted our budget, cutting our programs and such.

We’ve got a hybrid sled … but it is far from fast,
No jet fuel remains, just ethanol at last.
You can still talk to the people, you can still teach,
Why don’t you deliver your present in a speech?

Gibbs call a press conference, the President exclaimed,
I will save Christmas, and our power he proclaimed.
I’ve given many gifts to the people of this great land,
Now the best one is finally at hand.

I’ve given health-care, repealed don’t ask don’t tell,
Don’t forget cap and trade, or stimulus as well.
I’ve extended unemployment benefits to 3 years,
And borrowed trillions from China, despite all the fears.

Our society is too violent, as crime statistics can attest,
A solution is needed, and government knows best.
Firearms are dangerous, no longer needed today,
So as my Christmas gift, I’m taking your guns away.

Then into his hybrid sleigh he climbed with a chuckle,
It rose with a hum, and an occasional buckle.
And slowly away, into the night,
We seethed as once again, we lost a right.

Merry Christmas to all, And to all a good night.

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